Blogging Lessons we can learn from the Romans

Posted on by Severus Maximus

Blogging Lessons we can learn from the Romans

Good news, people. This is Hypertransitory.com’s first ever guest post. Please welcome Roman First Spear Legionnaire Gaius Severus Maximus. -JG

Greetings, noble men and women of virtue.

It has come to my attention that many of you have questions about how to proceed with your “blogging”. I informed the owner of this blog that my experience and wisdom could be of help in these matters, hence this “guest post”.

As you no doubt know, I am the man responsible for crushing the filthy Carthaginians off the coast of north Africa, as well as the total destruction of the hordes of Gaul. Allow me to reconstruct the battle for those who (somehow) do not remember.

The wind was blowing in from out of the east…

[Editor’s Note: Irrelevant war story removed. -JG]

Now on to the problems of the day. I have sorted these issues and their answers into separate sections. Attend now, and do not let your attention wander!

1: You receive no traffic to your blog.

This can be a vexing, and indeed formidable obstacle. You post (presumably) worthy content, and yet there is no one to read it, or attest to your glory.

The answer to this problem can be summed up in the following steps:

  1. Muster Legions.
  2. Attack and overrun nearest settlement. Kill all able-bodied men.
  3. Force the survivors to read your blog, and pass on word of your greatness to all of their friends.

I must admit I am surprised I have not seen this solution advocated in other venues.

2: You do not write compelling content.

If the gods have not made you a worthy scribe or orator, there is not much that can be done. Except…

  1. Find your most worthy competitor
  2. Muster Legions.
  3. Attack and overrun their position.
  4. If they have children, begin by cutting pieces off of them. If they have no children, start by cutting pieces off of the scribe themselves. Do not cut useful pieces such as fingers or tongues. Start with toes and coital organs.
  5. Once they succumb to your persuasion, they will now be your creature, have them write or produce whatever content you wish.

BEWARE. Some scribes conscripted in this manner have been known to hold grudges for the cutting off of limbs or the burning of their children. You may have to exercise caution when publishing their posts.

3: You do not rank well in the search engines.

Although many unholy witch-doctors and “SEO Gurus” will fill your head with LIES and doublespeak regarding improving your ranking, as usual I have devised a simpler method.

  1. Muster Legions.
  2. Locate website owner of listing directly above yours.
  3. Attack and overrun their position.
  4. Force them to remove the offending website from the web.
  5. Repeat as necessary until all listings above yours are removed.

This may take some time depending on the sheer number of miscreants that you must destroy. Be patient and never waver from your purpose, that is the only road to victory.

4: No one signs up for your newsletter.

Many half-trained, non-Roman FOOLS will tell you about such parlor tricks as “Pop-Up Domination” and the “Aweber Fade-In“. My method has been proven beyond doubt to result in near 100% subscriber rates. Simply present the following message to the reader as soon as they load your blog:

Dear reader, thank you for visiting my blog. Your IP address has been logged. You will now sign up for my newsletter, or face the following consequences:

  1. My Legions will Muster.
  2. They will descend upon your location as ravenous wolves upon a diseased deer, ripping your flesh and spilling your blood into the streets, where you will die friendless and unmourned as the honorless DOG you are.
  3. In case the address leads back to a public computer, the entire city will be ravaged and burned. All will perish needlessly.

It is likely you will need to make an example of someone, but once done, others will fear your wrath and become your faithful followers.

Following these simple lessons from a true Roman such as myself will undoubtedly put you in a position of much power and influence. Use your power wisely.

Questions and Answer

Now is the portion of the blog post where I answer questions.

William [redacted] writes:

Hi Severus,

I’ve seen some of your advice before, and I just wanted to know how I should proceed if I don’t have any Roman Legions at my disposal?

Thanks.

ANSWER:

Filthy Plebeian Scum! You DISGUST me!

Stephan [Redacted] writes:

Hey Severus,

sometimes I ask other bloggers for links, and they just don’t get back to me. I’ve sent out a ton of requests, but no one ever responds. How do I get the big guys to give me links?

ANSWER:

The getting of links is much like the bedding of women. If you want the woman, you take the woman. If you want the links, you TAKE THE LINKS.

Enough! I have tarried here too long with this foolishness! I must be away to the shores of Greece. My new campaign is underway and I have now assembled a force of extraordinary…

[Editor’s Note: Irrelevant war story removed. -JG]

For those of you who are simple, see this infographic for easy reference (click to view larger):

Want more Severus?? Don’t miss his exciting foreword in my new e-book How to Deal with Stupid Clowns who Don’t know what the Hell they’re talking about! Pick it up, or Legions will MUSTER..!

Gaius Severus Maximus is First Spear General of the Roman 10th Legion of Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus. You WILL address him by his rank at all times, and afford him the respect due to one of his station.

Likes: The Republic. Holy Mars God of War. The 10th Legion.
Dislikes: Filthy Plebeians. Filthy Carthaginians. Filthy Greeks.

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390 thoughts on “Blogging Lessons we can learn from the Romans”

    1. SILENCE! Your womanish prattling has ceased to amuse me. You DARE censor the words of Gaius Severus Maximus?!?

    1. BAH. You expected anything less than magnificence from Severus Maximus, scourge of Carthage??

    2. Very creative way to describe the important keys to success online.
      I am sharing with my networks, thanks for posting.

      I assume you won’t update the post with advise on how to invade surrounding blogs, LOL.

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  4. John – greetings! My name is Jk and i’m a first timer to your site. What a creative place it is. Not only is the art unique, but the this very post is one of a kind. Keep up the great work and I look forward to coming by again in the future. Peace.

    1. JK, thanks much for stopping by and leaving such a great comment.

      I think we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, I was just over on your site and that’s what I call “sticky”. I’ve gotta carve out more time to read some more of your posts but you’ll definitely be hearing from me. peace!

  5. John. This post was freaking rad! “I must admit I am surprised I have not seen this solution advocated in other venues.” Hahaha. So I had a goal today to comment on 100 blogs. You’re number 95, and your post gave me my first lol today! So thanks for that, man.

    And I love the infographic!

    So if you couldn’t tell, I really enjoyed this post, and I Dugg, Stumbled, and Tweeted it :)

    1. Tristan – Did you SERIOUSLY make a goal to comment on 100 blogs? How did that work out for you?

      And how come MY post didn’t give you a LOL huh, HUH!!!!??? :)

      1. You had a great post too, Tia! It was right on that line of a grin and a lol!

        Yes, I really did make that goal. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do ever since I started my blog. And I ended up commenting on 104 :D

        I’m going to be writing about the experience in either Friday’s post or Monday’s post. But let me just say… it was epic! Not quite as epic as mustering legions… But still pretty epic.

    2. Yeah dude, you’re the MAN if you really commented on all those blogs today! That’s the way you do it in 2011. Thanks much for the retweets and stumbles, I can use every one I can get! :)

      And Tia, your post made ME laugh out loud and I was at work! You almost got me fired lol

    3. NONE OF THIS MATTERS!

      I was promised 6 silver denarius, a bolt of Grecian silk and 4 goats for the completion of this “guest post”. I have not seen payment as of the time of this writing.

      If I do not receive said goats in a timely manner…there will be consequences…

    5. 100 Blogs in one day!!!!! Damn that is good going, when I’ve done five I think I’ve done well.

      And I just need to add…

      “What have the Romans ever done for us?”

  6. HILARIOUS!!!

    2011 is proving to be very “cheeky” as the Brits would say. Everyone seemed to put out some craaaaazy posts today. Wonder why that is?

    From bad date guest bloggers, to male hotties, to blogging lessons from Romans (with “Irrelevant war stories removed” – ROFL) it’s just been a super funny day.

    I’d say your first guest hosting experience has been a success. Good for you. Keep it real.

    Tia

    1. Yeah between you and Marlee you all are cracking me up. This has been a crazy day indeed. We gotta keep the crazy going all year. 2011 is gonna be a fun one I think!

      I have to say your blog is coming out SWINGING, too. There’s so much content, lol! You all must think I have “Tristan Higbee” tim to read all this stuff :)!

  7. Oh, I soooo love this. Just saw Tristan’s tweet about the post and I am so glad I came to read it.

    Not only I love Romans, not only I love everything about Roman history, not only do I have a tattoo on my back connected to the Roman empire….but I also love the movie Gladiator and the old Caesar game.

    I am off to master the Legions and the one’s above me in search engines, beware, I am about to burn down your village and then make you take the blog off the web.

    Thanks, Severus :)

    1. Brankica, it is an honor to have your comment! Yes I love all the Roman stuff as well, did you watch “Rome” and “Spartacus”? Loved that stuff! Gladiator is a huge favorite of mine, too, no doubt.

      Now, about this tattoo… :)

      1. Oh, maaaaan, you are making me embarrass myself in front of all the people and admit that I haven’t seen them :(

        Well thanks a lot, I will be contacting Severus to see if he would be willing to join me while we attack your village :)

        Gotta think of a cool way to blog about all my tattoos, lol…done commenting, don’t want to be marked as “worse than spam – commenting too much”

        1. ahh Brankica! Well you gotta check those out. I was just watching “Rome” again and it’s what gave me the idea for this post.

          Spartacus is not quite as deep as Rome but is damned entertaining.

          Oh yeah ladies (or guys) there’s all kinds of male full-frontal nudity in Spartacus if that’s your thing! lol..

          Hit me up when you check those out, I’d love to hear what you think!

    2. Finally, some recognition! Thank you for acknowledging the wisdom of my words.

      I do not know if I mentioned this, but I was promised (among other things) 4 goats for my participation in this “blog”.

      The goats have not materialized.

      Jupiter’s Cock, I will NOT be cheated!

      And if it’s a challenge you want, Gaius Severus Maximus, First Spear General of the Roman 10th Legion of Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus is MORE than willing to take up the fight.

      For the Republic!

  9. Oh well that explains why my blog isn’t ranking well – I’ve been using the wrong tactics. Well, and I don’t have a blog. I’m off to sharpen my shaft and recruit some legions….

    1. Lol I guess your blog can’t be descended upon and overran if it doesn’t exist. The ultimate defense!

  10. Severus Maximus, have you any words on the obstinate Gauls you could not destroy, namely Vitalstatistix and his village? It seems for all your talk, when it comes to that village, you have very little action…

    1. I guess he was so busy writing this post he neglected his duties. Surely he can never live down the shame…

      1. His inability to comment on my comment means only one thing: Asterix & Obelix got to him ;-)

  11. John,

    That post is super creative and entertaining.

    Tell Severus to come back do some more guest posting, if he doesn’t want to maybe try to get Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar or Genghis Kahn to do some. I hope they are not too busy campaigning or fighting each other.

    Wait, I really want to read Napoleon Bonaparte’s view on blogging.

    Ben Wan

    1. I shall NOT return to this drivel-spewing, gods-cursed “blog” until I receive my agreed upon recompense! Chief of which are the four goats I was promised.

      My wrath is growing daily…

      1. Sorry, man. Turns out it’s not as easy (or cheap) as I thought to procure four goats.

        We’ll have to work out something else.

  12. Whats up JG. Dude, this is some on point stuff. Love your illustrations too. And of course who wouldn’t appreciate the Roman references as presented by Severus Maximus-himself! Great stuff I’m really impressed.

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    1. Marcus, very high praise coming from you, my friend! Thanks for dropping in here and taking the time to leave a comment, and I’ll definitely be hanging around your site this year. All the best!

  15. John, I totally missed this post. I am so glad you’re in my Feed reader. This is absolutely hilarious. I play Empire Earth and i can attest to the brutality of the Roman Legions.

    As an aside, you do know why Severus wants the goats and has not complained about the denarii or silk… ok. Just checking. (By the way, even on “R” rated setting, I did NOT learn that tidbit from Empire Earth!)

    The infographic is pure icing on the cake.

    Cheers,

    Mitch

    1. Yeah Mitch, I’ve been trying not to think about why he wants those goats so bad.

      I’ve done my best to avoid games like Empire Earth, because I just cannot stop playing them!

      I went through the Age of Empires games and Warcrafts and lost many nights of sleep replaying the levels.

      I just picked up DC Universe online so there goes the rest of the time that I didn’t have anyway :)

      1. John, I have found that by playing them until I get tired of them, the need to spend time on them declines more sharply than if I simply tried to avoid it.
        I think the reason is that I’m always trying to figure out new strategies – especially after watching my sons effortlessly conquer the world, game after game.

        DC Online, hunh? Lucky me, I’m on wireless, so I don’t have the bandwidth for that. Still, have fun! It’s where ideas come from!

        Cheers,

        Mitch

  16. Hey John,

    Thanks for the awesome article!

    I am a first time visitor to your blog and I must say I like the design and looks of things here. Looks like you are building a wonderful community here. You did a great job on the article dude. Even made me laugh some ( :

    I never knew the Romans could teach me a thing or two about blogging!

    Thanks again!

    God bless,
    William Veasley

    1. Hey William thanks for the comment and compliment! I don’t think anyone thought the Romans had anything left to teach us, but here we are :)

      See ya, all the best!

    1. Delena thanks for dropping in and reading. I’m checking the news every day to make sure no one actually puts this advice into use!

      1. Argh! How did I miss the email notifying me that you replied?

        I had emailed this URL to my boyfriend just so he could have a chuckle. But his response was so enthusiastic that I started checking the news, myself! lol

        Thanks again, JG!
        Delena

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  19. What uuuuup John?

    What a truely original post. I love the Roman take on things, especially the roman attitude of keeping a strong head and pursueing ruthlessly until the objective is complete. Its unique posts like this that make Generals.

    bLAZE yOUR tRAIL

    ~ Maximus Gluteimus

    1. Ryan! Thanks much for dropping by here and commenting. Yeah the Romans knew how to get things DONE, dagnabbit! We must follow their example to victory! See you around, man!

  20. Hi John!

    I think I’m lost for words, all I can say is that this was a very “interesting” article. :-)

    1. Hey Steve, thanks much for commenting. “Interesting” is always better than “this sucks!” :)

  21. Hi John:

    I am overwhelmed with the blog post and the comments both. This blog post is unique and outstanding comments have made it even greater.

    i also agree with Steve Young here, on the top of my comment.

    Just grab the attention from all audience to your post, you will get all the traffic you ned to your blog. You will soon be very popular in the blogging net work. Your main goal is achieved.

    All the best.

    Fran A

    1. Hi Fran! Thanks so much for the comment and the compliments, I was beginning to get scared that I would have to actually *use* some of Severus’ tips to get traffic :P

  22. OMG – JG!

    This is the first time I’ve come across your blog and it cracked me up. But the points, as funny as they are, are lurking behind all the hilarity. The point I got from this – you can’t force people to like you, subscribe, tweet you, etc – those days are long gone – so you have no choice other than to give them QUALITY! Is that what you intended or did I just overlook for a point I wanted? :)

    Great post though and I will be watching you (even if it is just to get you to remove your blog so that you aren’t higher than me in the rankings).

    Keep on bloggin’ on!
    Danielle

    1. Hi Danielle,

      it’s like this…anything you thought was good about the post, well I *meant* to do that! lol!

      Yeah, all those things you said, yeah that’s what I was trying to say :)

      Thanks for commenting and warning me that you will be mustering your legions!

  23. The cutting of “coital organs” line was awesome. Where did you find this brilliant Roman Legionnaire? WHy didnt I think to muster the troops…stupid, stupid, stupid :-p

    You’re bookmarked my friend…I shall regroup and attack your blog with another comment in the future.

  24. Dino! Thanks much for coming by my blog. ‘Tis an honor!

    You know, sometimes you’re just hanging around minding your own business and then a Roman Legion just comes through town…you know how it goes :0

    Thanks again and I’ll look forward to the next comment attack!

  25. Um, I never read anything on Problogger about needing any legions. I am definitely going to exercise that no risk money back guarantee! Note to self, out source legions to Philippines…

    Great post!

    1. Yeah Sean, I’m not sure if Problogger would get behind any of these tactics!

      Let me know if you get a deal on those legions, we’ll go halfsies…

  26. Now that is what I call a unique post. Thought it was really “out there” but really enjoyed the interpretation. Think I’ll leave the body parts all in tact and try to just continue with my many traffic efforts that seem to be working rather well.

    Glad you made it to the list and will be back to visit again.

    Thanks,

    Adrienne

    1. Hey Adrienne! Thanks so much for commenting. So what traffic efforts are these you’re speaking of? Naval power? Mercenaries? Let’s have the details here! :)

      I’ll be by your blog soon, thanks again!

  27. Hi JG,

    First time here via the 100 Blog Comment Challenge and all I can say is…

    What a post! It had me in fits of laughter, It’s certainly something different, very special…

    I’ll be sharing this for sure!

    I’m in the process of mustering my legions and preparing them for the onslaught of anyone that stands in my way.

    Thanks for sharing such an awesome post, loved it!

    Robert :)

    1. Thanks Robert! Man I’m loving that 100 Blog Comment challenge :)

      Make sure you have enough goats to pay your legions and you should be fine. Thanks for commenting!

  28. Hey John

    Not quite sure what to make of your post. I like your style, it’s somewhat unique, different. As a regular blog commenter it’s great to come across a blog like yours. I’ll definitely be back for more :)

    Kerry Russell

  29. Vey cool post. I really like the look of your blog. It looks like you have put in some time designing it. Very well done.

    Brandon

  30. Some super creative writing you’ve done here my friend. I’m severely disappointed that I haven’t tried cutting pieces from the children of my foes yet. I gotta feeling following your new-found tactics will definitely help out my SEO! Thanks for a great read!

    1. Hey Jody thanks for commenting!

      I haven’t tried that particular suggestion, either. I’m beginning to get the feeling that unless you happen to be a general of vast Roman Legions, some of these tactics might not work out…

  31. To be honest, that is one of the most innovative approach to blogging advice. Well done. Very nice idea of yours. I liked the point of compelling content. As bloggers we must offer something valuable to readers and not just useless clutter. Keep posting more like this, “Severus Maximus”!

    1. Steven, thanks for commenting. I can only hope this blogging advice works out for everyone, but I guess Roman Legions are a bit hard to come by. Aw, shucks…!

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  33. John,
    with your arsenal of super-heroes to hand, I can’t see the problem.
    Wouldn’t we just call for Storm to create fog, wind and monsoons so the Romans wouldn’t even find the village?
    I only learned about Storm tonight, and I want her on my team.
    Does she time travel?
    Julia

    1. Well Julia, why didn’t I think of that?

      Here I am cowering in terror fearing retribution from a crazy Roman, and I could have just called up my super-posse!

      I think Storm time-travels, dimension-hops, goes into outer-space…geesh where doesn’t she go?

      You might have to ask, though. After some of the things I said about her in my write-up she might not be inclined to help :)

      Thanks for dropping in!

  34. Thanks for the imformation on how to blog. I don’t know if I under stood all of it but I think that I am further ahead then I was befor I read your post thanks.

    1. Traci you’re very welcome. I sure hope you can distill something useful out of this :) Thanks for commenting!

    1. Hey Raichel, just follow the plumes of smoke and path of destruction to a long and fruitful blogging career :)

  36. So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong – so all this tree hugging has been pointless? (it sure doesn’t feel so good with that rough bark and all) If only I’d known from the beginning I would have been able to retire by now. Maybe it isn’t too late to learn, I think I’ll go sharpen some tent stakes for the upcoming siege.

  37. Really interesting article.The analogy is perfect.It should have taken you quite some time to get this idea and finally depict in this ‘do the roman way’ manner.

  39. “The getting of links is much like the bedding of women. If you want the woman, you take the woman. If you want the links, you TAKE THE LINKS.” LOVE THIS! Be assertive! It works with all aspect of life! It worked for me getting links to my review site as well and driving in traffic or even at the gym, most people are passive, they need a leader! Great portion of the post!

  40. Thanks for these lessons, it helped me a lot. And we can always trust the Romans, they were cool haha.

  41. Well it looks like the Romans had the right idea, even if they didn’t know how right those ideas would be for years and years to come! From art and architecture to blogging and seo, it would appear that we have many lessons to learn from this incredibly valuable culture and the example they have set before. Is there anything else you feel their tactics can be applied to that we might not have thought of yet?

    1. Hey Sara, I wish I could think of something else. Alas, blogging lessons might be the Roman’s greatest contribution…

      Now if I could just stop myself from watching every single history channel/national geographic/BBC special on ancient Rome thn I might have time for some more actual blogging :)

      thanks for commenting!

  42. I must admit you embarassed me… I thought that i knew everything about blogging… And then read this post ;)

  44. John/Severus,

    It looks like I was a little late to this party, but I LOVE this post.

    I think Mustering the legions and killing all able bodied men cold be a good answer to quite a few things.

    Love the kick-ass infographic too. You have some mad skills man!!

    -Steve

    1. Hey Steve, thanks for dropping in here, man!

      Sometimes it seems like the Romans had all the answers doesn’t it? lol.

      Thanks for the compliments and the comment, I’ll see you around!

  50. Okay, this was pretty hysterical. At first I thought it was quite the serious article (even with the avoided war stories) but alas, I get it! Funny stuff.

  55. Haha, this is really funny. Thank you for that, I think a lot of bloggers take blogging too seriously, you bring us down to earth :-)

      1. Thanks Jason! Maybe I’ll have to do a post with the war stories. It will be called “The lost ramblings of Gaius Severus Maximus!”

  57. Great for me that I found your Blog… I just started with my own Blog, can I reference to this post? I want to write something on similiar topic!

  59. *standing ovation* Guys, I just read a post on someone’s blog about not needing to reinvent the wheel when trying to post something. I said “it is not what you do, but how and why you do it”. This right here proves that point exactly! I know it’s cheesy to post “what a great post” replies but I really mean this one. It made me lol and I am sharing this with colleagues and friends! Awesome, awesome stuff.

    Rod.

    1. Rod I happen to love those “what a great post” replies LOL!

      Thanks for reading and I definitely appreciate you sharing!

  61. Really funny at the same time great insight content. This is what blogging is meant for.

    Really enjoyed it

    1. Hey Johnathan,

      I guess to fully understand it you had to go through a certain level of “blogging bootcamp”, meaning to suffer through all these various methods of trying to gain traffic.

      Hopefully you managed to avoid those pitfalls! Thanks for commenting!

  64. John, You my friend, are definitely a blogger that is a refreshing breath of fresh air. I love your unique take on your material. Your blog is creative and ingenious… it’s like nothing that I’ve ever seen on the web. That’s the type of blog that I like… it’s the type of blogger I want to be as well. Of course, with my own spin on it. ;) I’m glad that you came to visit the blog today, bud. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss your take on the blogosphere any longer than I’d have too.

    Wishing you the best man, and I’ll definitely will be returning. As a matter of fact, subscribing so that I won’t miss anything. :D

    Enjoy your weekend buddy!

    1. Thanks Deeone!

      Man I’m glad you got a kick out of this one, I think most bloggers have been through these things and can relate to it on some level!

      You will be seeing me over at your blog so let the “internet kickin’ it” begin! :)

  66. I loved the style, throwing a roman reference on building links and gaining traffic. I’m surprised you didn’t add ‘barbarians’ under dislikes! :)

    Strength and Honor Sir!

  68. Oh well that explains why my blog isn’t ranking well – I’ve been using the wrong tactics. Well, and I don’t have a blog. I’m off to sharpen my shaft and recruit some legions….

  69. – “…if I don’t have any Roman Legions at my disposal?”
    – ” Filthy Plebeian Scum! You DISGUST me!”

    Hilarius! As Obelix said “These Romans are crazy”!

    Thank you for the excellent blog!

    1. Hey Marty! Yeah, who knew? First the aqueducts and now this, those Romans are full of surprises. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  73. Hey John,

    Love your blog & all things Roman and needless to say ‘People should know when they are conquered.’ superb.

      1. Hey John, did Sara really think she would get away with stealing my post: ‘Love your blog & all things Roman and needless to say ‘People should know when they are conquered.’?
        This is war John, ‘Muster the Legions’ or maybe I should say ‘Off with her head!’, you decide O Mighty Severus…

        1. LOL Trevor! Looks like I was fooled by one of those “duplicate comment spams” Curses! Usually I catch those.

          I left the comment for continuity but remove the link. Mustering legions now!

  74. Haha that was great. I especially liked the part about removing all the websites in front of you SEO wise. Easiest way to rank ever. Thanks Romans! First time visitor here too. Off to follow you John on Twitter.

    1. Hey Tim, thanks for reading and thanks for the follow (I followed you back)!

      Yeah who knew it could be so easy to get to the number one spot in google? the answer was right in front of us the whole time!

  75. Astonishing stuff. That is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time!

    Absolutely brilliant! How many blog posts have I read about how to blog? How to get backlinks? Where to leave comments? The correct keyword density?

    All that I really had to do was MUSTER LEGIONS! All this time – I’ve been doing it wrong.

    I stand in awe. Send that guy his goats. He’s earned them.

    And finally – what have the Romans ever done for us (sorry). Well, they just taught me the right way to blog, backlink and do SEO.

    I really did LOL!

    1. Thanks Hamish! I guess the Romans contributed much more to society than they originally intended!

      You mean you haven’t been mustering your legions this whole time? well, no wonder then. lol!

      Thanks for commenting, man!

  76. this is epic! not only that it is highly useful but it is also very entertaining..^.^ I had a nice time reading! anyways thanks a lot for sharing it with us!

  78. Funny way to describe about blogging. I really had fun reading it. Reminded me of movie 300

  80. Ha-Ha. Wonderful ideas. I hope that Google will help me fight a good fight. I liked your style. Fun reading your blog.

  83. Hi Severus Maximus

    Interesting take on this issue. I for one have seen many twists on this and can often spot the holes in the argument however, on this occasion I believed your writing is such that everyone should be in agreement with this. Thank you for sharing it with us.

  84. Oh my gosh I just laughed so hard! Muster legions?! I love it! This is especially great because I’m a big advocate for raping and pillaging the villages of those who oppose me. So I think I should just work on carrying a big sword around to the houses of all the bloggers working in my niche and terrorize or destroy them…I always thought I’d be pretty good at hand-to-hand combat.

    1. Hey Lizzy just make sure you have your legions mustered for backup! If other bloggers are following this advice you can be sure they’ll have theirs :)

  85. The price of goats for legions ! Great Article ! Commenting and Blogging is like war. you need to get after and destroy your competition. I love the way you write man awesome job.

  86. Hi JG
    Great article, hahaahaha. Love how you use the Roman as reference. Growing up, almost every year I would dress like a Roman warrior for Halloween. Very creative, definitely going to post this article on my Facebook page.

    1. Hey Ron, so did you dress as a Roman for this halloween? LOL. thanks for posting to your Facebook page, I appreciate it!

  89. Heya Severus Maximus,

    Congrats on turning what could have been a typical “do this, then do this, then this” post into something completely original and hilarious. The word ‘lol’ is majorly overused, but this post did actually make me lol. Makes a lot of sense too.

  91. Hi Severus,
    Wow, lol! I think you lost at me at cutting off limbs and burning children, however I had to comment because this was totally hilarious and unlike other blogs. Thanks for the blog, seriously!

    1. Hey Amy, yes I noticed Severus quickly goes off the rails when he’s given a little leeway! lol thanks for commenting!

  93. Thanks alot for the post, especially the newsletter and traffic parts – always looking to increase both of those!

  95. I find this post very motivational. You’re absolutely right about massive amounts of information bogging us down and too much time being wasted. Reading your description of what it takes to actually make progress is get things done is a good reminder of what I really should be doing with my time.

  97. LoL,

    That was a great laugh and twist on some great info.

    Thanks, I will be back to read more

  106. My gosh, I came across your blog searching for advice and LOL, that is exactly what I needed on a Monday morning, I had to read you post twice, cause the first time I was laughing too much for any words to actually register. Thank you for a great funny yet informative post. :D
    Cheers
    Saba

    1. hi saba, that’s just what I was going for :) I’m really glad you liked it. thanks a lot for reading and commenting!

  107. Hey dude, this is a great post that deserves to be read by everyone. Thanks a lot for sharing this funny post and I will be waiting for others from you in the nearest future.

  108. This was hilarious… a fresh take on blogging tips and a departure on those boring lists… Glad to have found this… bookmarked!

  109. Hey Severus Maximus….. nice site…. makes me wonder “are you not entertained?” “Is this not why you’re here?” “Spaniard Spaniard Spaniard”

    1. Yes you can’t go wrong with Gladiator. I gotta watch that one again this weekend. thanks for commenting!

  110. i want to use your tips to increase the traffic to my blog. one problem, i don’t speak Severus Maximus language. How would i go about “Attack and overrun nearest settlement. Kill all able-bodied men.” thanks

  114. so creative visualize my friend. I love ‘n it, when I read this article it’s almost like read a comic.
    I’ll bookmark your site :D

    1. Hi Bhupendra, i think that’s the best way to get started as you build your readership. Thanks for commenting!

  119. ok, excellent blog, I’ve been reading up a lot lately about seo and they all start sounding the same after a while, what a breath of fresh air! Who’d have thought the most reliable solution is to muster legions and force the competition to take down their sites! Simple but effective, Hail Severus Maximus!

  120. OMG……this post is so funny!! I wish that I could implement some the above mentioned methods to drive traffic to my websites versus using SEO!!!!

  121. I have never come across such a blog before. You have explained every bit of blogging by adding a fun element to it.

  122. Hah bookmarking this, you made me literally laugh out like and that is hard to do when reading :P but I totally understand what you were getting. Excellent post A+!

  123. Im new to SEO, but do want to see my fishing site higher in SERPS, hence the reason I am doing everyting that I read about, problem is I keep doing the things suggested but my posts arnt published? help!

    1. Hi Sandy, just think if all bloggers had their own legions…it might be world war III. We better be glad legion are so hard to come by these days. Thanks for commenting!

  126. Very useful and informative collection go points here! We all must take all these into consideration when we are working in our blogs:)

  129. When I started to read this blog post I was unable to understand exact point.But as I gone through the complete article I got every point include in this article.I can not imagine as blogger can write like this as write you,Really awesome!I like your way to write and I will share this blog post with my all online friends.Hope they will like it too.

    Many Thanks

    1. Hey Diane, I’m glad I was able to make you laugh! I was laughing as I wrote this one. Thanks for commenting!

  132. This is too funny! I don’t think I have ever read anything so funny on Blogging Lessons! I love how you used your creativity to put this together and make it interesting. Here’s to the Romans!

  134. Brilliant blog, really made me laugh a lot. This is what blogging should be like, you got some great points across and kept me entertained as you did it. Really good post, well done!

    1. If you liked it so much you could have written your own comment, rather than copying Diane’s from earlier. Anyway, it really is a great blog post, genuinely funny and informative. Nice one!

  140. Ha Ha! I nearly fell of my chair laughing. This is BRILLIANT!!! Best thing I have read in a long time (instead of the usual advise waffling about content blah blah blah). As the old English proverb goes – Many a true word is spoken in jest.

  142. Thumb up:
    “3.Force the survivors to read your blog, and pass on word of your greatness to all of their friends.”
    ==>So funny.
    ==>But how can u force bloger do what they do not want to do.

    “If they have children, begin by cutting pieces off of them. If they have no children, start by cutting pieces off of the scribe themselves. Do not cut useful pieces such as fingers or tongues. Start with toes and coital organs.”
    Oh my God, bloody :(
    By the way, hope you have another post about eastern strategy, china, or Japanese, example.
    By the way, happy new year.

  145. Take no Prisoners – over run the competition,
    I use Keyword Samuri to spy on the Comp…
    the only way to win the WAR…

  146. Hi…i want to learn that basic blogging lessons, i am new blogger i have not done successfully yet. i have read this blog carefully and i liked it..i will tell also about this to my all friends and family…thanks

  150. Hi Severus,

    Wow! I have never thought that bloggers can learn from Romans lol! This is really a funny article! Great post.

  155. You write some very good copy. Amazingly engaging. Love the part about the clowns, LOL. Where are your products for sale? You’ve got personality in your marketing, people would definitely buy that.

  156. Hahahah .. lol .. Funny yet very interesting actually we can learn almost everything from the great Romans.

  162. Hi
    Interesting article and I very much agree with you in most of what you are saying. I launched my blog – http://www.theSarayiahpost.com which is my views on life, love, relationships etc at the end of August 2011. I use a combination of the techniques you outline and so far in just over 4 months my site has jumped more than 26m places in the world-wide rankings according to Alexa to being in the top 800,000 which is great! My traffic for December was up 30% on Nov, which in itself was a record month since I launched.

    I am trying to help people change their way of thinking and problem solving so they can challenge the status quo and “be FREE be ALIVE be Truly HAPPY.” Please check out my site and leave comments – http://www.theSarayiahpost.com – my latest article is about New Year’s.

    Happy New Year and have a wonderful day.
    Love
    Isaac Sarayiah

  164. Having spent the past few hours reading a lot of tired old nonsense from people repeating the things that most of us in online marketing already know about my brain was almost literally beginning to leak from my ears.

    Parts of it breaking off and falling away like pieces of a wet cake.

    This post however has rejuvenated me completely! It’s refreshing and highly amusing; I can’t believe I actually laughed out loud.

    This has put a smile on my face for the rest of the day and i’ll be dropping by from time to time in hopes that you’ll have more content like this.

    In the eventuality that you post no more content like this I will be assembling my legions =D

  165. Very entertaining and creative. I may consider the take no mercy, show no mercy approach.

    Don’t forget to Register a domain and to get web hosting from Speedy-Joes.com. today. Thank you and take care!

  166. I was in the same situation as Rory (above) when I stumbled upon your blog post. I couldn’t resist reading it even though I expected the content to be less than useful. While reading it though I was completely amused and very impressed with the metaphorical content.
    Best line of the day, “BEWARE. Some scribes conscripted in this manner have been known to hold grudges for the cutting off of limbs or the burning of their children”

  167. I will definitely go with the take no mercy and give no mercy rule, I have always been like that and I will always be like that. Great Post, seriously! Keep it coming.

    1. Thanks, though I suspect if we all followed these guidelines the web would be downright unfriendly lol. thanks for commenting!

    1. Thanks Timothy, I hope there’s a healthy check as a reward for my victory. Aw, shucks. I’m just happy to be nominated lol. Thanks for commenting!

  170. Hi, came across your site whilst doing research for an article, some interesting reading keep it up

  176. Blogging makes us feel good whenever we want to express our thoughts and our feelings. The problem is sometimes our post is just rants and the proper rules in writing beautifully is not neglected. If we don’t want to change our wrong ways in writing blogs then I think we should just blog for ourselves for the sake of venting out our feeling but not in making our blogs famous for something.

  179. I have to admin, this is quite an unusual approach to get the lessons but I like it :-) Now just have to see how well I can mange to implement leassons learnt.

  183. Lol well this post wasn’t really what I expected but actually turned in to something I quite liked. Certainly different anyway :)

    1. Hey Craig, I think I’m listed in a directory somewhere, lol. Some secret, huh? Also about half of these comments are replies from me so don’t be too impressed :P

  188. Actually, you made a lot of point. You can’t really blog for the sake of just blogging and making money out of it. You should really have a distinct content and the right content to get people relate with your blog. We should consider a lot of things before blogging

  190. So good to see such sound original advice on the internet. As my Legion is very small, we will take to raping and pillaging all our nearest competitors – burning their clothes and eating their dogs for breakfast! Thanks for such motivating advice.

  191. I am going to try your sign up tactics, though not sure ze romans will work on my fishing blog! lol

  192. Very interesting Post and done quite well … very original ! And the info-graphic at the end ;)
    I could definitively learn from the Romans to improve my blog

  193. I have a question for you… I’ve mustered my legions but now all they do is sit around in these little circular tents drinking mead and eating roast swan! How do I get them to get up and raze my enemies blogs to the ground?

  195. Thank you for the laugh, you made my day.

    I will try to round up my legoins from their drinking holes and see if they can still be mustered! I am afraid they may be to far into their cups to be of much value, however.

    This is one post that I will come back to just for the laugh.

  197. Lol. I will happily subscribe to this blog just for the novelty factor!

    Victique sunt hostes mei, ut quarta et servus puellis quibusdam frixam agro mures!

  199. Hahahah, stellar post. I am planning on starting a blog soon so I’ll make sure to begin to muster my legions in the unfortunate even that I suck. Thank you for this, it made my day.

  200. even if they didn’t know how right those ideas would be for years and years to come! From art and architecture to blogging and seo PR

  201. Hahahaa super funny post. It seems like the best strategies all begin with the mustering of legions lol my competitors won’t have any idea what hit them…..

  211. The first time I read this article, I was unable to get the exact point. Fun and entertaining one. This is an interesting way in writing an article.

  212. Hai Severus!

    Its wonderful article about blogging and its learning tactics.It is the first reading the article in this site and will read daily from now as well.

  214. This post is hilarious. There is nothing like the heady combination of internet marketing and ancient Roman carnage. Good job!

  216. Entering this field means tough competition takes guts. It’s not easy to do all the things you suggested, but I will try to do as the Romans do. I really appreciate the suggestions and like the way you say it. Thanks!

  217. The comments are as entertaining as your post was. I think that getting out and blogging on other peoples posts are a great way to get traffic. If you add the commentluv plugin, there is a pretty good chance they will help you build your blog content on a regular basis.

    -Joe

    1. Hey Joe,

      yes communtluv is kind of critical when first starting out. Not only for the links but for the engagement with other bloggers in your niche. Andy did a great job when he created that plugin!

  220. Love the analogy… Building an active blog that throws off enough cash for you to quite your day job is like “Engineering an Empire” with all the strategy and tactics that you can “muster up”. As with ancient civilizations, a well thought out plan and TIME are critical elements to completing the campaign. No way to get around it. Rome had outstanding engineers, was built brick by brick (in our case link by link) and wasn’t built overnight. Carthage did spank them on more then one occasion, but eventually got whipped. Great post, keep up the good work.

  221. Hi,
    Love the Roman thing and he gets his point across with some truth, clever. Analyzing and utilizing the competition against itself is a great strategy. So often times overlooked. Blog commenting and Free .EDU are great backlinking strategies. If you want to climb to the top, this is a good strategy to get there. Thank You

  222. I must say that the analogies are great! I would have never thought to compare Romans to modern day blogging but you did a great job! Thanks for the great effort and insight!

  223. Pingback: The Who And The What Of My Blogging Success in 2011.

  225. Hello
    I love the Roman take on things, especially the roman attitude of keeping a strong head and pursueing ruthlessly until the objective is complete. I really like your post. .

  226. Great help from this blog! Thanks a lot for the information that I needed. Love the Roman thing and he gets his point across with some truth, clever. Analyzing and utilizing the competition against itself is a great strategy. So often times overlooked.

  227. Hilarious post,

    Definitely going to have a click around for this guy and see if i can find anymore brilliant posts by him.

  228. Definitely a novel approach to SEO, I don’t know why it had never occured to me previously to muster my legions and wipe out the opposition. Good call.

  233. Nice analogy between the art of war and blog strategies. Although it might seem funny at first glance, your tips are really useful for any blogger.

  234. Hi. That’s really interesting info. I did’t know that much about web traffic before. Still trying to make something with my web. Regards

  235. This is an awesome post. Nice to put a humorous twist on blogging. To all the bloggers around the world Hail Maximus for teaching us great lessons on doing things right the first time and making them count. Love the editor’s note: Irrelevant War Story removed. I’m glad I stumbled onto this article.

  239. This blog actually kept me up, lol, It’s hilarious. And I guess that all these people we’re kept up at night as well, WOW, that is alot of comment out there, keep up the good work buddy!

  240. First i didn’t know if i should laugh or scream omg.
    Nice post, I enjoy read it and I like the comments that complete this non-conventional post.
    Have more inspired days and post!

  241. Hilarious post – great analogy though. Learning 21st century blogging from the Romans is something I never thought I’d never come across.

  242. Now I never came across a site like yours :0) I Love it you share some great content in a unique way., the romans have a funny way of doing things :0) love the post I will be back to read more

    To The Top

  243. I like how you presented your content here. You sounded as if you’re a real Roman way back. By the way, I just want to clarify your point. You’re right by saying that submitting your blog to listing sites can help you rank well in search engines. However, I also think you need to put much effort in link building and stuff.

  245. Much has been said about how great the blog posts are ( thought I was in the wrong place when I read the comments and that roman-tish talks!) I just want to say john that I applaud how great the art here as well. That is why I keep coming back. I now have an idea as to how I can improve my blog. Good thanks.

  247. This is an awesome post. Nice to put a humorous twist on blogging. To all the bloggers around the world Hail Maximus for teaching us great lessons on doing things right the first time and making them count. Love the editor’s note: Irrelevant War Story removed.
    Cufflinks

  248. I love the Roman accept things, specially the roman mental attitude of keeping on a strong head and going after ruthlessly until the objective is all over.

  250. Haha! Great creavite way to get some good points across… The most entertaining marketing article I’ve read in a while! Thanks!

  251. SEO is a war ( cold war I can say ). Tactics, strategies, planning – ( cyber ) world is going to war ( War for Real Money ) .

  255. Okay, how to get people to sign up for your newsletter was just hilarious. LOL, threaten them and make an example of someone if you have to. Got to love it! Thanks for the tips and the entertaining read!

  256. I enjoy your writing technique. I am now going to make war with the SERPS, no longer garner and tweak. Also awesome art work, nice approach, which my art had a similar edge!

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