Giant-Sized Cyborg Zombie Steve Jobs

This is just a comic I came up with when I was messing around with my iPhone and considering going back to Android full time. The scariest part of this one is that it could actually happen one day.

THE AWFUL TRUTH

Click here to view a jpeg of the comic in a new window

I think we all know (or at least suspect) that a Steve Jobs backup personality is kept on file somewhere in a sub-basement of the Cupertino compound.

My suspicion is that once the iPhone market saturation declines to or below a specified percentage, the Steve Jobs backup personality will come on-line, take control of the country’s nuclear arsenal and launch a strike against the Googleplex.

Of course, Google’s headquarters are just a hop, skip and a jump away from Apple’s, so the resulting nuclear holocaust will probably destroy Apple as well.

Hey, war ain’t logical.

After that, it seems likely that Google and Apple would both set remote “kill switches” on all of their desktop, mobile and tablet devices so that they’ll all explode at the same time and destroy what’s left of the planet’s civilizations. It would be kind of a scorched earth screw you to all the people who foolishly bought their products, never realizing that instead of convenience and fun with increased social networking connectivity, they had purchased nothing but their own DEATHS.

At least that’s how I see it anyway. I could be wrong. It’s been known to happen.

ANTI-SOCIAL IPHONE

For some reason my iPhone does not care to join local wifi networks. Or at least without a lot of wrangling and cursing.

I’m not sure why but no matter what network it is, whether it’s protected or open, the damn thing balks at joining it.

“Unable to join network” – that’s what I get for the first couple of tries each time. Eventually it always joins as if there were never any problem, like I was crazy…but I’m NOT CRAZY. Or am I..?

If it’s just going to login eventually after the first or second time, why not just do it the first time?

Because it hates me, that’s why.

…but I’m NOT CRAZY.

So anyway, I’ve restored this thing and forgotten networks and all that jazz. Never changes anything. Once in a great while it surprises me and seamlessly jumps on to a network without an issue. Very shocking. I actually suffered a cardiac arrhythmia one time when it happened. That’s when I began to suspect that the iPhone was trying to kill me.

I’m definitely, definitely not crazy.

These days I sleep with one eye open so I can watch the damn thing in case it tries anything. I keep it propped up on my nightstand. It probably doesn’t help that I changed my background image to a picture of the great Eye of Sauron. Now when I get a text or notification I look over and I see a fiery eye looking deep into my very soul. Maybe I am crazy. A normal guy would probably change that to a picture of some boobs or something.

Never had these problems with Android.

MAKE IT LOOK GOOD

I actually had an Android phone first, and I was pretty cool with it, too. It always jumped onto a network just fine. I could install whatever I wanted, mount it to my Mac and move files with none of that damned iTunes syncing. All was great…except…my web clients didn’t care about Android. All they cared about was Apple.

Damn damn damn.

Every time: “How does it look on the iPhone? The iPad?”

I was using the various online emulators as well as web development tools to simulate it, but sometimes it just wasn’t good enough.

Never once did any client ask me how it looks on Android. When I would be tasked to develop for mobile, I’d tell the client I’m querying for different mobile devices. One even told me, “if anything other than the iOS devices costs extra, just leave it.”

I suggested that surely his entire base was not using iOS devices? It was not an Apple-centric site.

Well, he didn’t care. Right or wrong, his perception of the market was that Apple owned the market and the other devices could be dismissed.

I mentioned that we should check the stats after the site was live for awhile and see the breakdown of devices. His response: “Nope.”

Not all my clients were as hard-core as this. These days I just try to say “mobile” and not get into a whole device specific back-and-forth.

For now I’m just waiting until that giant-sized Steve Jobs monster finally goes online and goes on a rampage, so I can get out there and kick it’s ass -for the good of all mankind, of course.

BEHIND THE SCENES

I know this post is a bit of a ramble so i’ll try to cut it short.

I forgot to scan in the pencil of this one, so all I have is the inked version that I scanned in. This can give you an idea of how much is by hand and how much is digital:

For those who have been here awhile, you know I hate to draw backgrounds, so the city is actually a 3D prop from Daz Studio.

Everything as combined and colored in Photoshop, then the text was dropped in using Adobe Illustrator. I used the 3D features of Illustrator to make my logo to that “perspective arc” it’s doing in the image. Even though I normally use Blender for 3D, it would have been overkill for this piece.

Here’s the piece without all the text on top of it.

THE WRAP UP

Ok that’s it for now my fine, feathered friends.

Let me know your thoughts on my ramblings in comments, and if you know anyone who might like this on please share it. You can either share the whole post or use the “Scribd” embed to repost it somewhere.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you all later!