As of this date, the How to Deal with Stupid Clowns who Don’t know what the Hell they’re talking about! ebook is delayed until the end of August :(
The reason for this is that I’ve encountered much more resistance than expected from the stupid clown community. They don’t want their secrets getting out! Read on for more…
JG’s Shocking Discovery!
So I was just going about my business, checking out my Facebook newsfeed as usual, and what do I see but a dastardly cabal of clowns conspiring to constrict, curtail, and pretty much just #$!@-up my efforts to get the book out on time
I can’t let this sort of thing pass. It will not stand!
I had to show these clowns that JG is no punk. I knew things could get crazy. I could feel the adrenaline pumping in anticipation of a confrontation.
In one swift motion, I ripped the shirt from my body, exposing powerful, taut, rippling muscles primed for action.
Then, with sure, practiced moves, I reached out to my keyboard and used my thumb to press down the Apple (Command) key.
Rivulets of sweat ran down my athletic, god-like frame as my index finger then pressed down on the “A” key.
With the text of the Newsfeed now selected, I knew I was only halfway done! A lesser man would have quit here, but I was not just any man…
I was am JG!
Uh, anyway, so what I’m getting at here is that I copied and pasted the whole thing into this post so you can see the crap I have to put up with from these stupid clowns. So check this out…
Stupid Clowns Exposed!
What follows is an unedited Facebook conversation involving 3 stupid clowns and JG…
Fuggo the Clown So byffo, how’s that Patterson operation coming?
Byffo the Clown Ha! I got him formally written-up. I figure he should be fired in the next 6 months.
Fuggo the Clown Dammit, Byffo, that’s not good enough. You’ve been slacking since the day you came on board. I’m not gonna tolerate it anymore!
Fuggo the Clown By this time next month I want that guy jobless, wifeless, homeless AND legless!
Fuggo the Clown When I drive through there I wanna see a homeless bum pulling himself down the street in a child’s wagon! Understand??
Byffo the Clown Yes, sir!
Fuggo the Clown What about you, Glommo?
Glommo the Clown I managed to tie up traffic for about 3 hours yesterday. It was quite a scene. Couple of freeway shootings, too :)
Fuggo the Clown Excellent work! All those hard working, honest people stuck there, wasting hours of their lives that they’ll never get back. I tell you guys, that’s what it’s all about!
Glommo the Clown Agreed.
Byffo the Clown yeah me 2!
Fuggo the Clown But let’s move on. Somebody’s gotta do something about this John Garrett…
Fuggo the Clown …I don’t know how this guy found out all our secrets…one of you must have talked!
Byffo the Clown Not me!
Glommo the Clown No way! I didn’t say nuthin!
JG Hey guys.
Fuggo the Clown What the..!?! This is a private conversation, you can’t be reading this!
JG Actually, it’s not. You guys sent me friend requests, and I accepted. Now I can see everything.
Fuggo the Clown i just wanted to see your page!!
JG yeah, but I can see your pages, too.
Glommo the Clown whaa–a-a-a-tttt??
Fuggo the Clown Hey what’s your problem, anyway? We’re just hard working stupid clowns trying to annoy people, interfere with their personal and professional relationships, frustrate them and generally lower the overall enjoyment of their lives. Is that so wrong??
JG Yeah, I would say that’s wrong.
Fuggo the Clown alright genius, if you know so much why don’t you…i don’t know…write a book, or something!
JG I did write a book.
Byffo the Clown whaa–a-a-a-tttt??
JG yeah it’s almost done, just putting the finishing touches on. You can check it out here: How to Deal with Stupid Clowns
Fuggo the Clown NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Byffo the Clown OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Glommo the Clown OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!
JG That’s it. I’m outta here.
JG I’m defriending you guys.
Byffo the Clown what? why??
JG Huh? What do you mean, why?
Byffo the Clown please don’t!
Fuggo the Clown Dammit, have some dignity, Byffo!
Byffo the Clown I just don’t want to be defriended…
Man can you believe the nerve of these guys?
It looks like they’re upping the ante on me. They don’t want this book coming out, y’all!
There’s no telling what diabolical methods they may employ to accomplish that end.
No worries, though. Not only am I looking out the window every five minutes like Malcolm X, but I’ve also retained the services of a top-tier, ruthless private security firm. Normally I wouldn’t have that kind of money but I assured them that their $825,000 (U.S.) fee would be easily covered by sales of the book when it comes out.
As a matter of fact, the guy’s here right now. Looking at me. With his cold, dead eyes…
Gulp. This thing had better sell!
So aside from that, I guess I’ll see you guys next time!
Or maybe I won’t…