How to Deal with Stupid Clowns Pt 3 – Facebook Follies

As of this date, the How to Deal with Stupid Clowns who Don’t know what the Hell they’re talking about! ebook is delayed until the end of August :(

The reason for this is that I’ve encountered much more resistance than expected from the stupid clown community. They don’t want their secrets getting out! Read on for more…

JG’s Shocking Discovery!

So I was just going about my business, checking out my Facebook newsfeed as usual, and what do I see but a dastardly cabal of clowns conspiring to constrict, curtail, and pretty much just #$!@-up my efforts to get the book out on time

I can’t let this sort of thing pass. It will not stand!

I had to show these clowns that JG is no punk. I knew things could get crazy. I could feel the adrenaline pumping in anticipation of a confrontation.

In one swift motion, I ripped the shirt from my body, exposing powerful, taut, rippling muscles primed for action.

Then, with sure, practiced moves, I reached out to my keyboard and used my thumb to press down the Apple (Command) key.

Rivulets of sweat ran down my athletic, god-like frame as my index finger then pressed down on the “A” key.

With the text of the Newsfeed now selected, I knew I was only halfway done! A lesser man would have quit here, but I was not just any man…

I was am JG!

Uh, anyway, so what I’m getting at here is that I copied and pasted the whole thing into this post so you can see the crap I have to put up with from these stupid clowns. So check this out…

Stupid Clowns Exposed!

What follows is an unedited Facebook conversation involving 3 stupid clowns and JG…

Fuggo the Clown Guys let’s have a quick status report.
8 hours agoCommentLike

 

Fuggo the Clown So byffo, how’s that Patterson operation coming?
8 hours ago

Byffo the Clown Ha! I got him formally written-up. I figure he should be fired in the next 6 months.
7 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown Dammit, Byffo, that’s not good enough. You’ve been slacking since the day you came on board. I’m not gonna tolerate it anymore!
6 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown By this time next month I want that guy jobless, wifeless, homeless AND legless!
5 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown When I drive through there I wanna see a homeless bum pulling himself down the street in a child’s wagon! Understand??
5 hours ago

Byffo the Clown Yes, sir!
5 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown What about you, Glommo?
5 hours ago

Glommo the Clown I managed to tie up traffic for about 3 hours yesterday. It was quite a scene. Couple of freeway shootings, too :)
5 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown Excellent work! All those hard working, honest people stuck there, wasting hours of their lives that they’ll never get back. I tell you guys, that’s what it’s all about!
5 hours ago

Glommo the Clown Agreed.
4 hours ago

Byffo the Clown yeah me 2!
4 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown But let’s move on. Somebody’s gotta do something about this John Garrett…
3 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown …I don’t know how this guy found out all our secrets…one of you must have talked!
3 hours ago

Byffo the Clown Not me!
3 hours ago

Glommo the Clown No way! I didn’t say nuthin!
2 hours ago

JG Hey guys.
2 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown What the..!?! This is a private conversation, you can’t be reading this!
2 hours ago

JG Actually, it’s not. You guys sent me friend requests, and I accepted. Now I can see everything.
2 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown i just wanted to see your page!!
2 hours ago

JG yeah, but I can see your pages, too.
2 hours ago

Glommo the Clown whaa–a-a-a-tttt??
2 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown Hey what’s your problem, anyway? We’re just hard working stupid clowns trying to annoy people, interfere with their personal and professional relationships, frustrate them and generally lower the overall enjoyment of their lives. Is that so wrong??
2 hours ago

JG Yeah, I would say that’s wrong.
2 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown alright genius, if you know so much why don’t you…i don’t know…write a book, or something!
2 hours ago

JG I did write a book.
2 hours ago

Byffo the Clown whaa–a-a-a-tttt??
2 hours ago

JG yeah it’s almost done, just putting the finishing touches on. You can check it out here: How to Deal with Stupid Clowns
2 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2 hours ago

Byffo the Clown OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2 hours ago

Glommo the Clown OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!
2 hours ago

JG That’s it. I’m outta here.
2 hours ago

JG I’m defriending you guys.
2 hours ago

Byffo the Clown what? why??
2 hours ago

JG Huh? What do you mean, why?
2 hours ago

Byffo the Clown please don’t!
2 hours ago

Fuggo the Clown Dammit, have some dignity, Byffo!
2 hours ago

Byffo the Clown I just don’t want to be defriended…
2 hours ago

Man can you believe the nerve of these guys?

It looks like they’re upping the ante on me. They don’t want this book coming out, y’all!

There’s no telling what diabolical methods they may employ to accomplish that end.

No worries, though. Not only am I looking out the window every five minutes like Malcolm X, but I’ve also retained the services of a top-tier, ruthless private security firm. Normally I wouldn’t have that kind of money but I assured them that their $825,000 (U.S.) fee would be easily covered by sales of the book when it comes out.

As a matter of fact, the guy’s here right now. Looking at me. With his cold, dead eyes…

Gulp. This thing had better sell!

So aside from that, I guess I’ll see you guys next time!

Or maybe I won’t…

CLICK THE IMAGE BELOW TO SEE MORE ABOUT THE E-BOOK!

How to Deal With Stupid Clowns who don’t know what the Hell they’re talking about!

Thanks for sharing!

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  1. Kristina L. on Aug 13, 2011

    Hey, JG!
    This is so cool!I laughed while reading the post – especially for the part of you taking the shirt off, exposing muscles, reaching out to keyboard and pressing down the command key with your index finger, while sweat ran down your athletic god – like frame.! Ahaha, great description and intro for the clown defriending.:)
    Looking forward to read more.
    Take care and stay away from the clowns…
    Kristina L. recently posted..Genesis Auto Parts Coupon CodeMy Profile

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 15, 2011

      Hi Kristina!

      hey there’s nothing funny about my god-like frame, that could really be true!

      Ok, no it’s not :)

      Anyway those stupid clowns keep causing trouble as usual, somebody should write a book or something!

      So thanks for reading, and there will be more…

  2. Mario@andrea zapatos on Aug 15, 2011

    Hehe, incredibly funny post! The art for the ebook looks awesome, can’t wait to get it! (The testomonials are very convincing)

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 16, 2011

      Hi Mario! Thanks for the compliment. I ran into a little difficulty but I’m still working hard to get this thing finished. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

  3. Andrew Walker on Aug 15, 2011

    Hi JG! You always never failed to entertained us! Great job once again mate!
    Andrew Walker recently posted..AllSandBoxes Coupon CodeMy Profile

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 16, 2011

      Thanks Andrew -these stupid clowns make it easy, man! LOL

  4. Aoki on Aug 17, 2011

    Hello JG.

    This is a really hilarious trip of yours. You really got me laughing over the facebook comments.
    Aoki recently posted..flash angry birdsMy Profile

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 22, 2011

      hi Aoki, thanks for commenting! It’s funny because it’s true :)

  5. Emak on Aug 17, 2011

    It seems that the clowns are damn serious in stopping you JG. Haha.. really funny.
    Emak recently posted..Electronic Piano 2.5My Profile

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 22, 2011

      Hi Emak, they will never stop me…only delay a little :)

  6. Relian on Aug 17, 2011

    This post is really humorous JG. Are they really serious?
    Relian recently posted..Life Insurance: Is it really worth it?My Profile

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 22, 2011

      They’re as serious as stupid clowns can be, Relian. This is why they must be stopped! :)

  7. John Wharam on Aug 21, 2011

    Remember that clowns are not always the ones with big red noses and painted faces.C

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 22, 2011

      True, John…much of the time they hide among us. That’s what they look like on the inside, though :P

  8. Mitchell Allen
    Twitter: Anklebuster
    on Aug 22, 2011

    John, you’re a swell guy, I’ve even supported your previous work. But, if you’re going to be selling on the internet, you’ve got to stop misleading your adoring – and trusting – readers.

    Remember that exclusive email you sent out? You mad the mistake of putting your REAL picture on their. You know, the one with a fist, not TWO fistfuls of food!
    (Remember, there’s Facebook you vs. Real you!)
    God-like body, my eye. Oh, it’s god-like, alright: omnipresent.

    Now, see what you’ve done? You got poor Kristina L. all hot and bothered.

    On the plus side, you rocked that facebook cut-and-paste thread. I love those!
    I can’t wait until your book comes out. I’ve been cutting back on pizzas so I can get it. Wouldn’t want that security guy busting a cap in yo … knee.

    Cheers,

    Mitch
    Mitchell Allen recently posted..Frameworks or BricksMy Profile

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 22, 2011

      BUSTED! I guess there will be no internet hook-ups for me :(

      Unless there are some chubby chasers in the house?

      Hello? Anyone..?

      Ahh forget it. My only hope is to finish this book and sell it, then I’ll have enough for gastronomic surgery. woot!

  9. Charleen Larson on Aug 22, 2011

    Hey, I wanna know how you manage to have taught muscles. I keep trying to teach mine, but they’re stubbornly stupid…like your clowns.
    Charleen Larson recently posted..Skydiving is easy. Comedy is hard.My Profile

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 22, 2011

      Charleen, it was very early in the morning when I read this. My eyes kept blurring and I was like “what the heck is she talking about?!”

      Then after much contemplating, it finally clicked! LOL. I went back and corrected the typo. Normally I’m on top of things like that. I wish I could blame stupid clowns but not this time :)

      Thanks for commenting!

  10. Tracy
    Twitter: cesidebt
    on Aug 26, 2011

    This made me laugh – Great visual image! Stupid Clowns…..HA! I know a few of those myself.
    Tracy recently posted..Credit Counseling Raleigh NCMy Profile

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 27, 2011

      Hi Tracy! Yeah unfortunately everyone has a couple of stupid clowns in their life. Those that don’t are truly blessed. Thanks for commenting!

  11. Stacey Herbert on Aug 27, 2011

    Ok…I must have missed am important pre-post. Is this a send up…who are the stupid clowns..please tell me more and don’t laugh at me ( think I’m a stupid clown) because I don’t get it : (

    “Note to self” Err…your in over your head again -GULP

    • JG
      Twitter: johngarrettx
      on Aug 27, 2011

      LOL Stacy, I wouldn’t laugh at you (laughing with you), you’re definitely not a stupid clown.

      My bad, sometimes you write these things and it sure makes sense in your mind! Maybe it’s not as clear as I thought…

      Anyway, this is a teaser for my upcoming ebook “How to Deal with Stupid Clowns who Don’t know what the Hell they’re talking about!”

      You can click my link in the Facebook timeline, the banner at the bottom of the article or the ad banner at the top of every page to see the sales page and description for the ebook.

      Also check the related posts thumbnails for previous Stupid Clown teasers. Let me know what you think!

      Thanks for dropping in and commenting :)

      • stacey on Aug 31, 2011

        Awesome..you got some kind of an active imagination and creative flare..this is badass, Love it, and so funny.

  12. Stephan Hilson on Aug 29, 2011

    The conversation of the clowns are quite disturbing. I mean what are their motives why would they want other people to be jobless and ruined. But I am glad that you shared insights about them so that other people would be alerted and felt aware about these clowns. Maybe I should read this e-book since I have no idea and never heard about these stupid clowns.
    Stephan Hilson recently posted..Comparatif de forfait mobileMy Profile

  13. Tim C. Mayberry on Aug 30, 2011

    LOL you made my day – very funny :)

    T.
    Tim C. Mayberry recently posted..How to Make a Beat for Your Song?My Profile

  14. hannamay on Aug 30, 2011

    It’s funny and great description and intro for the clown befriending… I really hate clowns…

  15. Toby Aletha
    Twitter: TobyAletha
    on Sep 1, 2011

    ahaha…great post, strange clowns…but it’s not new to me that they are stupid, I don’t like them, have never laughed at their jokes…
    thanks, you made me laugh =)
    Toby Aletha recently posted..Patek Philippe – a touch of the elegance and refinementMy Profile

  16. free domain hosting on Sep 21, 2011

    Hi ,

    The height stupidity and clownessness……..:)

  17. Natasha Campos on Dec 5, 2011

    Now, see what you’ve done? You always never failed to entertained us! Yeah unfortunately everyone has a couple of stupid clowns in their life.
    Natasha Campos recently posted..Many CuresMy Profile


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